At school

I've realised just how much I don't like my friends anymore. It's just that their at a stage in their life (I hope) where they are completely flippant about everything and all they talk about is boyfriends and meaningless stupid things that are just a waste of time. I feel completely detached from them, in fact I can actually say that it is only S who is keeping me being friends with them. Also, I know they don't like me. Or to put it simply, they are completely indifferent. And I don't blame them in the slightest; I don't speak so why would they particularly like me?
I don't want to go to Nando's with them onThursday. And to be honest, they probably wouldn't notice that I wasn't there.

I hate Dad. It's him whose made me like this. I just feel like I can't connect with anyone. I can't have friends, only acquaintances.

That's another thing. Everytime I get to know someone, their traits just completely annoy me. And it's really stupid because to be honest, I have really irritating habits as well. But it's like I only like people who I don't know properly.

I wonder if going to Uni would change anything. Fatima will probably tell me next year.

Nov 24th

People are weird.

Tired

Fatima said to me that I really shouldn't get depressed about sixth form, like she did because it really affects work.

I guess I am not as depressed as I was in the last few entries, but I'm still not happy. Everyone has grown up and given more freedom, whereas I am just a stupid loser stuck in year 8 or 9 where I'm not allowed anywhere.

I think I've said that about a million times so I won't say it again....

Anyway, well. Fasting really drains you, and makes you really tired. I also have a parched throat, but can't eat for another four hours.

I want to go home. At the moment, I am writing this entry in school. Dad is coming to pick us up in 10 minutes but I hate the depressing IT room and want to go now. Actually, home is depressing too.

We watched Narnia yesterday. Let's just say it wasn't good. Towards the end, it got better (basically the war scene) but still...I would have preferred to watch Finding Neverland, although it has stupid Johnny Depp in it...trying to be eccentric as usual, probably.

I still really want to watch A Walk to Remember.

School again..

I can't believe in the space of two weeks my whole mind can change about school. At the beginning I was feeling optimistic, like this was a fresh start for me. Now I'm just feeling like I don't belong anywhere. It's like I feel like I'm not even friends with my friends in yr 11. They seem to have fitted together even more strongly since year 12, and I thought that would happen to me because I became more friendly with S, but instead I'm just drifting away, in my mind anyway.
When we are all together in a group, I just feel like I'm not part of them. And the thing is, I feel like I don't really want to hang around with them anymore.
I really don't belong anywhere.

I'm just going to throw myself into activities such as rec. and leisure and basketball....

Detached...

..that's just how I feel when I'm with my friends. Because they're so frivolous and happy. And I'm clearly not. Especially N. It's like she has practically no cares in the world. It seems like so far, she's just had no troubles in her life, it's all carefree.
I feel like telling her that life is completely the opposite, it's rubbish.
I feel a bit jealous of her because she's never had anything really bad happen to her. But then again, I think that she's really trivial.

Dad is so crap. If he wasn't here life would be so much better. He's already succeeded in making all of us antisocial and shy. And it just gets worse when you get older because you feel more restricted and then your friends are becoming more free. And they just don't understand when you tell them your parents don't let you do anything. Dad has completely messed us up psychologically.

It's really saying something when me, Fatima, Amina and Salima keep having violent dreams. I think we have all had many dreams about Dad being violent. It's obviously something that hovers in our subconscious, like when he's going to go mad again. Or crazily religious. I don't know which one is worse.

It really annoys me when my friends act like they've got it worse than you when they even know that they haven't.

By the way I really really wanted Siobhan to become Maria in The Sound of Music theatre performance. I guess she wasn't ready for it, but I would have preferred it was her than Connie.

A week or so of school..

..I don't really know what to say about 6th form. I don't like the fact that we have to be so independent about work and basically we're seen as adults. I don't like it because at home I'm treated so differently. Also, everyone else seems to have grown up, matured and they're actually allowed out of the house.
I'm just worried about all the times my friends will ask me to go out with them. What can I say? I'm going to have to make up excuses all the time. It just gets kind of tiring, I just feel like telling the truth. But they wouldn't understand anyway. Like in the Agatha Christie's "Appointment with Death" there's Mrs. Boynton who completely controls her children and another character says that it sounds so unbelievable that it could happen, but it does.
I know I'm not making sense, but whatever.
I also wish that Alice didn't know where the takeaway is. What if she comes in?It will be so fucking embarrassing that I don't want to even think about it.

Anyway, about schoolwork. The gap between GCSEs and AS levels is really big. I think I will just have to study hard. Especially Chemistry.

By the way, just for the record as I kept complaining about the GCSEs, I got 6 A*s, 4A's and 1B.

I have to do a speech on Thursday in registration, about 5 minutes or something. The teacher said that it can be funny, but I would just look stupid. I'll probably do something about current affairs, the wars or something.

I know this sounds weird, but I think overall, 6th form is having a good effect on me because I know that I am not as quiet as before and not as "scared" of people. I don't know.

Lupin

Lupin is no more. I can't believe Gareth's family have left. Now we will never see beautiful Lupin who was the best cat in the world. He was the friendliest, cuddliest, cutest cat and now I'm never going to see him again.

Zinedine Zidane

Despite the "sudden acts of violence" as one newspaper put it, Zinedine Zidane has got to be one of the most charismatic footballers ever. I love him.

France deserved to win the World Cup. They were better than Italy. Matterazi is a prick.

So Germany are out

Which is such a shame. I really thought and wanted Germany to win the WC. Oh well, at least they've showed the world and Alan Hansen that Germany's football team have a lot of promise and there is a future for them.
Love Lehmann, lol.

The finals is on Sunday, Italy v. France. Come on France! Zidane deserves to hold up the World Cup, considering that he is resigning after this. He really is a brilliant player, although we didn't see his skill so much in the match against Portugal.

Portugal will be playing Germany to see who gets bronze. Come on Germany! I'll be cheering you on.

In the France v. Portugal, Portugal proved to be diving losers. Okay, that's a bit harsh but it's so stupid. They were a good side (better than France, imo) and didn't need to start diving at every opportunity. It just makes people dislike their team.

I'm going to the library tomorrow, finally. Yay. My "intellectual" side of my mind was withering out. If I had one in the first place, its probably dead now.

England.

Are out, after the game yesterday.

I was so upset, especially when I saw Ferdinand, Terry, Hargreaves etc. crying. It must be so awful for them.

And Beckham has resigned. Rightly so, I must add, but I still feel sad for him. At the press conference when he read out the statement he was almost crying.

So..the match. It showed me many things;

• Rooney is a violent thug. Simple as that.
• Ronaldo is a bloody bitch who has no scruples. The wink said it all. He is a conniving, smarmy git.
• Owen Hargreaves is an amazing player, despite the amount of critisicsm he had, he came out on TOP. He was rightly named the MOTM. Brilliant playing.
• Beckham should not be playing for England. When Lennon came on, England looked better. (But I was still sad for him)
• SVE is stupid! The lone striker formation was never going to work! Even in the England v. Ecuador match it wasn't effective.
• Lampard is not ready for the WC. At all.
• Gerrard should not get so nervous in penalties, he's a brilliant player who should feel confident of his abilities.
• Ferdinand is likewise a very good player who gave 100% to the match.
• Terry is a good player and especially excelled in clearances.

Portugal are not very sportsman-like. I mean, they were diving all over the place and trying to get free kicks! Ronaldo's conduct was abominable, I bet he had a evil plot to antagonise Rooney, hence the wink at Scolari. Git.

England will not fare well with McLaren who is SVE's right hand man. He will probably employ the same tactics as SVE, or make that lack of.

Okay, well after that analysis by an inexperienced football fan, well done England. Hargreaves, you are amazing.

England, if you face Portugal in the Euro 2008, THRASH Portugal. Please.

Hopefully England will get further in 2010. I'll be rooting for you.

And right now, Portugal, Germany, France and Italy are still in. GERMANY all the way. I am desperate for Germany to win. Go Klinsman, you are a great manager (and very sweet may I add) and Germany really do deserve the win. Out of all the remaining countries, Germany are the most admirable and do not cheat or act like bitchy girls.

So, go Germany.

P.S The red writing is in honour of England, red writing, white background, get it?

If boredom kills...

...I must be a ghost.
Actually, no I'm a zombie so there's no way out.

Life is so boring. I don't want to go to school on Friday too.

The only perk for me in these holidays is the World Cup matches...lol...love watching them.

And I so wanted to watch France v. Spain today but I can't :(
Still...supporting Spain definitely, not that I have anything against France. Just really want Spain to win.

England v. Portugal on Saturday. England all the way!!
I'm just hoping the Portugal team don't go completely crazy and lose ALL discipline like they did against Holland. But to be fair, Holland went mad too. lol quite funny but I can't really see the England team retaliating..oh wait yes I can..Rooney definitely would go absolutely mad. I don't want to see that, Rooney scares me when he's angry!

Seriously the World Cup is preventing me from dying of boredom lol. Although the match yesterday, Switzerland v. Ukraine was quite boring. And I wanted Switzerland to win :(. Everyone says England are really crap but they are better than Switzerland and Ukraine!

Penalty shoot-outs are really cruel! and tense. I felt so sorry for Zuberbuhler, I think he just got nervous.

Yeah anyway today I thought of a little story to write. Well it wouldn't really be a story because it would be very short but I'm not entirely sure because I really feel like I can't be bothered to write it down. But I will!

Awww. "Bless the broken road" by Rascal Flatts is actually a very sweet song! I told Amina ages ago that it's really cheesy. In a way it is, but it's really sweet!

Go Spain for tonight!

Holidays..hmph

Well what else is there to say apart from the fact that they are completely boring. I have nowt to do. Apart from 2 hours or so stints on the computer.

All I do is listen to music at the moment. At the moment I am obsessed with "Unintended" by Muse. I have listened to it about 7 times already today. And "Time is Running out"

Hmmm I think I should get off the computer in a minute.

Off to read Sherlock Holmes.

Heat, Exams and slow computers...

....what do they all have in common?

Answer: They are pissing me off.

I have decided that I actually don't really the heat. It makes me really annoyed and irritable. And uncomfortable. And I have to do exams in this weather.

I hate the way it penetrates you and you just feel like you can't be bothered to do anything. I swear it dulls your mind.

I know the cold isn't much better but I think I definitely prefer it.

And don't get me started on my exams rant. Considering that it is entirely my fault that I have done minimum revision but I did have obstacles, so whatever.

I don't have any exams tomorrow so I am guessing I'll be doing Chemistry, Physics and History revision all tomorrow. Ahem. Who wants to bet that I'll actually do a lot of work?

God, I am in a really pissed off mood. Everyone is really annoying me for no reason. Like when they speak to me.

I want everyone to go away.

A "How high is your self esteem?" test...

You scored 52.
"Many people think you are confident and in charge of your life. You're not so sure! It may be that you had a difficult upbringing with parents who were too demanding of you. Or perhaps you have Always felt that you're not as bright as other people think you are. Or maybe you feel unlovable.
If you're in a relationship, it's likely that you'll Often feel anxious about it. Sometimes you may worry that you'll 'muck things up'. You may also have serious concerns that your partner will 'find you out' and decide you're not worth loving. "

Okay....don't know if this is true about me...
Comment about what you think.

A moan on sore throats.

Are contending for a place in my Annoying Little Things list. I hate sore throats, they can make you feel so crap, but they are a such a small thing. I mean, if you said "I have a sore throat" people would be (quite rightly) like "Who cares" But really they make you feel so rubbish. And slightly sick too.

Yay. Mum bought me some Soothers. Some short term relief.

Went to the library today and just for old times sake, got a Redwall book that I haven't actually read. The food descriptions are mouthwathering! I don't mean to sound patronising but they are really sweet. I love it that all the good characters are completely good, with practically no bad traits. And of course, that good always overcomes evil. I love Redwall Abbey too! I wish I could live there, but I don't think I'd fit in, because all the creatures at Redwall Abbey are so peaceful and virtuous, two things I most definitely am not!

Huh.

I have done no substantial revision. I have a vague feeling that I should be revising but I can't be bothered and the day just passes too quickly. Which is pretty weird, considering I just lounge around the house all day doing jack.

It's really stupid. When I get off the computer, I am going to sit down and do some work. And nothing is going to stop me. Nothing at all.

Stupid

I don't know why, but I really feel like I always want to be in this shell where I never have to do anything, like go out into the real world.

We (me, Polly, Fatima and Salima) were talking about Fatima going on campus etc. etc. And I was trying to imagine myself going on campus or something and I just feel that I don't want to do anything, ever. I just feel like I wouldn't be able to. I mean, I have a huge mental barrier there (like the leap of faith in the park) Like not wanting to go out and get a job. I just don't want to meet or even see people anymore...
I know that everyone else in this house feels like that because of our upbringing. Especially Sam and Fahad. And Fatima. It's so unfair. When we can actually have experiences etc. we're just not going to want to be there. I now understand the appeal of living like a simple hermit.

I know I'm not making much sense. I'm confused too. Oh well. It just boils down to the same thing, as it always does: Dad. Big surprise there.

Morning

Morning has broken, like the first morning,
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird.
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning,
Praise for them springing fresh from the Word.

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven,
Like the first dew fall on the first grass.
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden,
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass.
Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning,
Born of the one light Eden saw play.
Praise with elation, praise every morning,
God's re-creation of the new day.

Remind me....

...never ever to go on people's myspaces. Ever. I don't know why I do go on them, they just piss the hell out of me. No names mentioned of course. I swear, at 16, everyone is the same. In a bad way.

I am really pissed off. Mum and Dad are the main cause. "When you're child has exams you're meant to support them" he says. "The only way to support me right now is to piss off" I say. I wish. They have to put me in a bad mood when I'm supposed to be revising don't they? I mean do they think I'm going to be dancing in glee and happiness when they are sniping at eachother? Actually make that Dad being a bastard to Mum, and Mum looking upset. GET OVER IT. It's only been happening for about 26 years. I know that's really mean but I can't help the way I feel.

About fucking apples. For God's sake.

I don't think I'll revise today. I wish I was at school. At least I wouldn't be in this depressing house.

Whew....

4 days straight of GCSE's....pretty hard going. I feel really drained and I'm really not looking forward to the next lot which start on the 5th. I know it's my fault that I did night-before revision for some of my GCSE's, but I can't help berating myself. I know that I really haven't done too well, or rather, done my best. Oh well...there's really no point saying it now. I'll just have to not do that for my next lot of exams.
Just wish I had a Time-Turner like Hermione. Actually, that wouldn't help would it? I would just be in the past watching myself doing no revision! Or my self that went into the past could revise then lock my un-revising self in the toilet, and do the exam. Make that un-rebising self! LOL! No one will get why I just said that, apart from maybe Fatima.
End of school two weeks ago. Abi made a video of 11S which I am dying to get my hands on! Helen said she'd make a copy for me and hopefully Amina will get it from her tomorrow.

So. Tomorrow, intensive revision begins.

Man...

...Spanish oral on Monday. I'm quite worried. Especially with the C roleplay. Cos I crapped that up last time, and that made me get a stupid 35/50.

Hmmm, so I think it's time to speak Spanish..

Hace buen calor! En sabado, voy a ir a biblioteca, y quiero trabajar en el biblioteca. Mr. Johnson cree que soy muy crappo a Espanola!

Esta manana, me gustaria ir al parque.....pero solamente if its caliente.

Adios.

:(

Only 2 days of holiday left. I don't want to go back to school. Please don't make me :(

Okay, I know I always say that being at school is better than being at home, but not when you've got stupid exams coming up. I don't want to do my GCSEs....I know they aren't that important but I'm still scared. I hate exams.

I want a Pink Lady apple. I love Pink Lady apples. But Salima won't get me one. Yay! My wuvvly soobie got me an apple...yum


UPDATE: pm

Okay, ages ago I think I promised some pictures of my despised product design moneybox...I just uploaded the pictures so here they are:






My childrens moneybox I made. Basically you ask a question and put the money in, and if you look at what the arrow is pointing to, that is the answer. (The wheel spins when the money is put in)










The whole moneybox. I know is bloody huge, don't ask me why I made it this big, I don't know myself!
Oh well, at least I can write about the size in my evaluation.

P.S You can see Salima's head in the background! If you look v.carefully

Yes well now I have to do all the project writing up. I predict I will be doing it for the best part of the day tomorrow.

Birds....

Watching the birds in the morning is more interesting than it sounds.
I think chaffinches have a lovely song. And goldfinches look beautiful.



Chaffinch











Goldfinch











I absolutely love blue tits, they are so adorable.

Why?...

Stupid boiler, why does it have to leak on this day? Why couldn't it leak yesterday when it was all rainy and horrible.
Now we can't go to the park because Varan (right spelling?) is at our house and fixing it.

It is a really nice day today. And I want to go to the park.

I'm really worried about The French Lieutenants Woman. I got it out of the library ages ago and now I don't know where it is. I asked everyone and they said they don't have it. I hate it when books go missing. WHY do books go "missing"?

I just realised I have a permanent frown. Why? :( It looks like I'm miserable all the time. Which I already knew I looked like. As my siblings frequently have told me, I look upset/pissed off most of the time. I am trying to get rid of the frown by rubbing it with my fingers. And smiling at the computer.

The birds are chirping really loudly. I think they may be on our roof because its really loud. I love it when birds sing.

My frown has gone. I think.

Mrs. W in 15 minutes

I just came on the computer to upload the pictures on the computer from the digital camera. I took a pic of the Valley Valentine, as the other one I posted on here was from the
internet. It will be planted tomorrow!!! Hopefully.


















This is a random picture I just felt like including.
From right to left: Me, Amina and Polly.

Quite a nice picture don't you think?
I want one with Salima and Fatima too.

Sods law in action...

Whenever I really want to do something, of course I can't do it.

i.e. Exclamation. For God's sake. Every time we go on in it won't work, ONLY when we want to show Sam and Fahad.

I be gurtly hungered. I want some food. Don't think I'm greedy, I ate at 7:30 and now its 2:00. The joys of living in our house, we never have meals at proper times.

You-know-who is being a great b*******. No change there.

Also, another person (you know who you are) is being TOO obsessed with a magnolia tree, as I am frequently telling her.

I wrote out all my "Creative Writing" stories and poems for Mrs. W today. Joy. I realised that my writing is too small.

Praise the bounteous lord. Finally Exclamation has half-way loaded up.

Hey, I'm back after lunch. Weird people are in our house. Best to hide upstairs lol.
Oh yeah, I took some pictures of the lotus seedlings yesterday.




These two are the same ones, this is my first growing seed.

the top bit, which looks a bit of a weird colour is the leaf, I'm hoping it will unfurl soon.









This is my second, it looks like a stump so I'm a little worried about whether the leaves will come out soon.

A good day...

Been in the park for the last 2 hours, at least. I love going to the park, beats being at home so much.

Anyway, we bought some plants etc from the Bizzy Lizzy nursery behind Ewell Court Library. Amina got her beloved mangnolia tree (!) and Fatima chose a clematis plant. We also got a Valley Valentines plant, which I didn't choose, but paid for, so technically (in the eyes of the law) it's mine! Joke, I don't really care whose it is, I just love it! Here's a picture:


Beautiful isn't it? I think it should definitely go in the front garden, as it would look very bright and eye catching. And our garden is in a quite prominent place on our street.

When I looked at this plant, I thought it looked very cheery...does that sound like a strange word to use?

i want another pack of hula hoops. Cheese and onion. Now.

I want food. Junk food.

Creme eggs, hula hoops, pringles, dairy milk, sour haribos, wheat crunchies, aeros, lion bars, muffins. I sound like a greedy pig but I'm not, I'm just angry, therefore I want junk food to cheer me up.

Yay for digital cameras!

I love digital cameras! Now I can show the world my labo and lotus, which I think I go on about it nearly all my entries....

Well if you search among the bowl filled with mud and water, you'll see two green shoots. They're my lotuses!


And the labo is the little man with grass for hair! So cute. Sam added the "glasses"

















Thanks Polly for getting the camera!

This is me writing a bit later, at 9:19. I had to go on msn but A wasn't there. This is so stupid. Why do I always have to make dumb excuses about not going to places.
Oh well I've got used to it.

Anyway I am quite (okay, very) obsessed with exclamation at the moment. Lol only a few people would understand what I meant by that.

Yeah well I'm really tired, as usual. Think I might eat and then go to bed.
I never do any work in the evening now. It's really bad, actually. I'm so lazy.

a beautiful morn...

very sunny and warm. yay. Apart from a minor problem. We are stuck in the house. Whatever. Can't do anything about it anyway.

Woke up at 7:15 and did some Physics today. Eurgh. Physics is a vile subject.

Sorry, I'm feeling in a weird mood today, if you hadn't guessed.

bed..now that's a good idea..

10:37pm and I am so damn tired. Maybe it's because I am waking up at 7:00 every day because, like the good girl that I am, I'm revising every day in the morning. Apart from today, I really didn't do that much work. Just digestive system and enzymes. I am feeling a bit worried now.

I don't ever get any work done in the evening because
a) I'm washed out
b) There are too many distractions (laptop on my desk WITH internet, ahem)

So my Easter holiday revision scheme is not going as well as planned. I will need to summon all my self discipline and start...disciplining myself.

Okay, updates on lotus. I put two of the seeds in soil today. I got the soil from the front garden and it is now full of worms. Which will die soon, poor things, because of they are completely covered in water and therefore have no oxygen. I got about 8 out but I know there's some more of the squirmers under the soil. Do worms have nerves? I mean I know people say you can chop them in half and both halves will just wriggle away, apparently unharmed. That is quite a sick experiment anyway...

Okay, bathroom is finally free. I'm off. Sleep tight.

see the bird with a leaf in her mouth...

that song is in my head, and its reminding me of yesterday in the park when I saw a crow flying past with grass and twigs in its mouth; nest materials.

Funny how songs remind you of certain times. Last summer, for example, I was out in the garden, hanging the clothes on the washing line and next door were playing a song. I don't know who it's by, but if someone played it right now, I would recognise it. It sounded a bit like David Bowie but I'm not so sure.

I just remember it being really too hot, the sun was blazing and I was by myself in the garden. I recall I was wearing my tan t-shirt, I don't know why I remember. If only I knew what the song is called! It's really frustrating me now.

Fatima is at her first day of work experience. Wonder if she's having fun....

My lotus seed (the first one) has unfurled. I think I should put it in soil very soon.

weather = lovely!

Very Spring-like today, the air seems really fresh and clean from the rain, the ground is wet but the sun is shining.
But, as with usual Spring weather, its being very moody and keeps changing. Right now, the sky looks overcast and grey, but in a minute I guess it might be raining, or the sun may be shining.

Anyway, the 2nd lotus seed has opened and I can see the green shoot. I am so glad! I wish I could take some pictures and upload them on to my blog. Oh well. Hopefully we are getting a digital camera this Easter holiday.

We need to go to the library tomorrow, I am in dire need of some books.

A huge load has been lifted...

...from my overstressed mind.

I have basically finished my moneybox. Staying after school til 5 for the past two days have really payed off. I am not that proud of it, there are loads of things I have done wrong. But at least that means that I actually have a lot to write about in my evaluation. Maybe I'll post a picture of it on here when I take pictures of it, for my eval.

I don't have to wait tomorrow. So I get to go home at 12, or 1. I am so glad.

One of my lotus seeds has a green shoot coming out (by about 3mm) but hey, that's a start!
Also, my labo has begun growing "hair" It was quite suprising as yesterday I noticed the hair growing very slightly and today there is so much more. I wish I could take some pictures. I seriously think that we need to urgently buy a digital camera. What are we, living in the dark ages? Everyone has a digital camera.
Why is it that we have 3 laptops and not a digital camera?

I think I may insist that I need to purchase one for my P.D pictures, that would be good.

I'm finally listening to my James Blunt album, I have only listened to it once, and I didn't have time to listen to all of them then.

Tomorrow is the end of term. I am so happy. No more school for two weeks. No waking up at ungodly hours (slight exaggeration)

I will DEFINITELY revise every day in the Easter holidays.

P.D situation slightly rectified...

I have to hand my project in on the first day when we come back from Easter holidays, which is better, but still not brilliant, seeing as I can't even do my orthographic and isommetric.
I will have to do my orthographic drawing tomorrow, in fact. Probably at lunchtime..grrr.

My lotus seeds are growing, there is a white bit poking out, but I am a bit worried because of the cold weather. If we had a greenhouse it would be so much better.

I feel really drained and don't know why. Actually, maybe it's because I came home at 5 today, I was doing Product Design after school.

I really need to do some work now, its already 7:24. Where does the evening go?

In the pits of hell re.P.D

I am screwed. There is no other way to describe how I am.

Product Design is in for Thursday. I have a lesson on Wednesday, and Ms. S is in France on that day, for god's sake. WHAT SHALL I DO? She dismantled my mechanism and THEN wrote me a note last Wednesday saying she hasn't had a chance to look at it, and will look on Thursday, the inset day. Now she has buggered off to the stupid France trip. I have no idea what to do about the mechanism, shall I just glue it together into the crap state it was before?

She hasn't even spoken to me about it, and it's in for bloody Thursday. What shall I do? I am so dead, someone might as well start digging my grave.

Joy..

and happiness and all things great.

Next week I don't have Mr.Chu.
I have found some string for my lion.
I have done a lot of my product design paperwork.
I have started revising.
My lotus seeds have started bulging.
Its the end of term on Friday.

That is a lot of things to be happy about. Now all I need to do is apply for a summer job. And start writing in my Siamese notebook. And continue revising.

sorry about last post

A picture of me and my friends on my 16th birthday (21st March 2006)
I was really annoyed because I did write a long post about my birthday and my wonderful presents from everyone, and then the computer was being weird, and the whole entry got lost.

Anyway, this post will be a bit about my birthday...I got really nice presents from my friends, and from family on Thursday- the inset day. I really liked the compilation CD one of my friends gave me, with some of my favourite songs, and the money I got from my friends contributed to my new James Blunt album!

There's me with my friends and my surprise birthday cake with 16 candles- and the middle one was a relighting one which confused me a bit!It was quite embarrassing because the whole class was singing happy birthday to me and I don't really like being in the spotlight, but I was really happy, and grateful to my friends. I'm the one on the far right of the photo, by the way.

We nicked the lotus seeds today! And right now (at 9:20) I think a seedling is growing already! Just hoping that the other two will come through.

I will start writing in my beautiful Siamese cat notebook that Polly got me soon. It is so nice I don't want to ruin it! But I'm going to write some of my stories in it, if they're good.

I really love Runaway Train by Soul Asylum.

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain
Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

stupid computers

I wrote a really long entry and then when I tried to publish the post the computer went crazy on me. Now I'm really annoyed.

Anyway, basically I was saying that I really love the labo and hope it will grow.

I really want the lotus to grow too, this is what it will look like, if it grows properly. I think it will be really big. I can't wait for it to grow, it will look so beautiful.

obsessive reading

..I think I am becoming a bit too obsessed with reading. I always read, regardless of whether I have work to do or if I have a headache. I don't quite know why I have huge reading frenzies.

Today I tidied my desk and EVERYTHING for about 2 hours. Its really therapeutic, tidying up. (Almost as therapeutic as sanding rough or sharp edges of wood down- I don't know if its just me but its really satisfying when you finally make it smooth)
Anyway after that I read The Solution- Animorphs book, then reminisced about the last book (It may have been because I was quite young when I read it, but I felt really sad, especially for Jake) Whilst I was thinking about it, I fell asleep. Why am I always tired? Might be a lack of iron- I don't know. Carrying on with my stimulating day, I woke up and started reading The French Lieutenants Woman which is suprisingly good so far, although my opinion of Sarah has changed, I think she has a weird complex.

Anyway I vaguely feel like I need to do some work. The teachers keep giving us loads of work, its really dumb- I thought the work load was meant to be lessening as the exams draw closer, not increasing..

Its my birthday on Tuesday. I don't know why, but this year I really feel like I completely dont care about it. But I still want regalos, por supuesto!

Depression to the utmost..

...school tomorrow. Need I say anymore?

Anyway a certain person is probably reading this entry over my shoulder *angry face* and also * silently screams 'PISS OFF'* heh heh. Need to calm down, I think. By the way the 'heh heh' was an evil cackle.

Cool! Whilst trying to look like I was doing something educational (because of person behind me), I found a cool Shakespeare quotation. Here it is 'Mongrel beef-witted lord' Troilus and Cressida II. i 14] Quite an original insult isn't it? Might use it on someone....

Meaningful angsty one here... 'Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore, / So do our minutes hasten to their end.'

My lips hurt. Why am I allergic to stupid lipbalms with oxybenzoatine or whatever it is? :(

Depression reigns in again as I remember school is looming ahead...

It's been over a month!..

...since I've written here.
I am so undedicated it's unbelievable! Everytime I go on the computer I "forget" to write and when I "remember" I'm like 'I really can't be bothered'
Bit stupid of me really...I am turning into a Class A procastinator! Help me I hate it when people procastinate so why am I doing it ?!
It's the half term holidays and there's only a few days left....and I have a lot of homework...history coursework....aargh...Why didn't Fatima keep her old history coursework? I could have read it for some 'inspiration' Ahem. Anyway she probably wouldn't let me, the stingy cow. Joking.

Anyway today was boring....Went to the park and got caught in a hailstorm which was reasonably fun lol. We must have looked soo stupid racing through the park like crazed weirdos. lol!!!

I have to apply to work in Accesorize! This holiday! I really have to get a move on....apply tomorrow probably.

Bye for now!

last update 19 days ago...

Okay that really isnt very good, I had the whole of the Xmas holidays free and I only wrote once :(

Anyway, yay I did my Spanish oral (on Monday) and it went okay. And I have got back all my mock GCSE results...I'm not very happy with them but ah well, I'll actually revise for the GCSEs so "no sweat" as a certain person may say (lol, Fatima, Amina and Salima will know who I'm referring to!)

Yay WEEKEND. I am so happy. Especially the whole not having to wake up at 7:00 in the morning!

Also I didnt update before because whenever I went on the computer I read fanfics, but I losing my obsession with them a bit..

Oh god, just remembered I have to buy wood for my Product Design. This is really depressing, I dont even know what size wood to buy so how am I supposed to buy any wood at all? Product Design is sooo hard I really wish I never took it. Actually, its not hard, its just depressing because my moneybox never seems to work (the mechanism bit)

Okay, I should go before I plunge myself into the deepest pits of gloom (presentation in Eng on Monday morning- noooooooo)