School again..

I can't believe in the space of two weeks my whole mind can change about school. At the beginning I was feeling optimistic, like this was a fresh start for me. Now I'm just feeling like I don't belong anywhere. It's like I feel like I'm not even friends with my friends in yr 11. They seem to have fitted together even more strongly since year 12, and I thought that would happen to me because I became more friendly with S, but instead I'm just drifting away, in my mind anyway.
When we are all together in a group, I just feel like I'm not part of them. And the thing is, I feel like I don't really want to hang around with them anymore.
I really don't belong anywhere.

I'm just going to throw myself into activities such as rec. and leisure and basketball....

Detached...

..that's just how I feel when I'm with my friends. Because they're so frivolous and happy. And I'm clearly not. Especially N. It's like she has practically no cares in the world. It seems like so far, she's just had no troubles in her life, it's all carefree.
I feel like telling her that life is completely the opposite, it's rubbish.
I feel a bit jealous of her because she's never had anything really bad happen to her. But then again, I think that she's really trivial.

Dad is so crap. If he wasn't here life would be so much better. He's already succeeded in making all of us antisocial and shy. And it just gets worse when you get older because you feel more restricted and then your friends are becoming more free. And they just don't understand when you tell them your parents don't let you do anything. Dad has completely messed us up psychologically.

It's really saying something when me, Fatima, Amina and Salima keep having violent dreams. I think we have all had many dreams about Dad being violent. It's obviously something that hovers in our subconscious, like when he's going to go mad again. Or crazily religious. I don't know which one is worse.

It really annoys me when my friends act like they've got it worse than you when they even know that they haven't.

By the way I really really wanted Siobhan to become Maria in The Sound of Music theatre performance. I guess she wasn't ready for it, but I would have preferred it was her than Connie.

A week or so of school..

..I don't really know what to say about 6th form. I don't like the fact that we have to be so independent about work and basically we're seen as adults. I don't like it because at home I'm treated so differently. Also, everyone else seems to have grown up, matured and they're actually allowed out of the house.
I'm just worried about all the times my friends will ask me to go out with them. What can I say? I'm going to have to make up excuses all the time. It just gets kind of tiring, I just feel like telling the truth. But they wouldn't understand anyway. Like in the Agatha Christie's "Appointment with Death" there's Mrs. Boynton who completely controls her children and another character says that it sounds so unbelievable that it could happen, but it does.
I know I'm not making sense, but whatever.
I also wish that Alice didn't know where the takeaway is. What if she comes in?It will be so fucking embarrassing that I don't want to even think about it.

Anyway, about schoolwork. The gap between GCSEs and AS levels is really big. I think I will just have to study hard. Especially Chemistry.

By the way, just for the record as I kept complaining about the GCSEs, I got 6 A*s, 4A's and 1B.

I have to do a speech on Thursday in registration, about 5 minutes or something. The teacher said that it can be funny, but I would just look stupid. I'll probably do something about current affairs, the wars or something.

I know this sounds weird, but I think overall, 6th form is having a good effect on me because I know that I am not as quiet as before and not as "scared" of people. I don't know.

Lupin

Lupin is no more. I can't believe Gareth's family have left. Now we will never see beautiful Lupin who was the best cat in the world. He was the friendliest, cuddliest, cutest cat and now I'm never going to see him again.

Zinedine Zidane

Despite the "sudden acts of violence" as one newspaper put it, Zinedine Zidane has got to be one of the most charismatic footballers ever. I love him.

France deserved to win the World Cup. They were better than Italy. Matterazi is a prick.

So Germany are out

Which is such a shame. I really thought and wanted Germany to win the WC. Oh well, at least they've showed the world and Alan Hansen that Germany's football team have a lot of promise and there is a future for them.
Love Lehmann, lol.

The finals is on Sunday, Italy v. France. Come on France! Zidane deserves to hold up the World Cup, considering that he is resigning after this. He really is a brilliant player, although we didn't see his skill so much in the match against Portugal.

Portugal will be playing Germany to see who gets bronze. Come on Germany! I'll be cheering you on.

In the France v. Portugal, Portugal proved to be diving losers. Okay, that's a bit harsh but it's so stupid. They were a good side (better than France, imo) and didn't need to start diving at every opportunity. It just makes people dislike their team.

I'm going to the library tomorrow, finally. Yay. My "intellectual" side of my mind was withering out. If I had one in the first place, its probably dead now.

England.

Are out, after the game yesterday.

I was so upset, especially when I saw Ferdinand, Terry, Hargreaves etc. crying. It must be so awful for them.

And Beckham has resigned. Rightly so, I must add, but I still feel sad for him. At the press conference when he read out the statement he was almost crying.

So..the match. It showed me many things;

• Rooney is a violent thug. Simple as that.
• Ronaldo is a bloody bitch who has no scruples. The wink said it all. He is a conniving, smarmy git.
• Owen Hargreaves is an amazing player, despite the amount of critisicsm he had, he came out on TOP. He was rightly named the MOTM. Brilliant playing.
• Beckham should not be playing for England. When Lennon came on, England looked better. (But I was still sad for him)
• SVE is stupid! The lone striker formation was never going to work! Even in the England v. Ecuador match it wasn't effective.
• Lampard is not ready for the WC. At all.
• Gerrard should not get so nervous in penalties, he's a brilliant player who should feel confident of his abilities.
• Ferdinand is likewise a very good player who gave 100% to the match.
• Terry is a good player and especially excelled in clearances.

Portugal are not very sportsman-like. I mean, they were diving all over the place and trying to get free kicks! Ronaldo's conduct was abominable, I bet he had a evil plot to antagonise Rooney, hence the wink at Scolari. Git.

England will not fare well with McLaren who is SVE's right hand man. He will probably employ the same tactics as SVE, or make that lack of.

Okay, well after that analysis by an inexperienced football fan, well done England. Hargreaves, you are amazing.

England, if you face Portugal in the Euro 2008, THRASH Portugal. Please.

Hopefully England will get further in 2010. I'll be rooting for you.

And right now, Portugal, Germany, France and Italy are still in. GERMANY all the way. I am desperate for Germany to win. Go Klinsman, you are a great manager (and very sweet may I add) and Germany really do deserve the win. Out of all the remaining countries, Germany are the most admirable and do not cheat or act like bitchy girls.

So, go Germany.

P.S The red writing is in honour of England, red writing, white background, get it?